Simplicity.

Spontaneity.

Play.

These are the three things that alternately appear in my mind while I was heading home. (There is but just a short distance I have to toddle from the highway to our house.) Last night, the air was cooler than usual. There was a silent breeze sweeping through my face. I could even hear the rustling of dried leaves rolling off the empty street. As well as the tender swishing of leaves cuddled by the trees' branches. The nocturnal insects are also in harmony with the gentle tunes sung by nature.

It was almost nine then. In our little town, this time was already a holy hour. Streetlamps are alight, tricycles are scarce, only a few people walk around the plaza, and silence predominates the sound of opened television sets in houses that usually stood apart from one another. I can hear some murmurs from the unlocked windows I passed by. Some giggles of kids running about their humble dwellings.

I walked slower than my usual pace. I decided to close my eyes and savor the breeze against my skin, the melodious unity of sounds in my ear, the darkness and tint of light getting through my shut eyes, the scent of some smoke from burning leaves I was able to notice a little while later combined with the aroma of the rich vegetation from the nearby field found their way to my nostrils and made my tummy rumble then suddenly, even without any food fed in my mouth, I got to taste some bitter-sweet tang lining my palate, the sensation of my feet, even with my shoes on felt bare with the occasional presence of pebbles crumbling here and there, and the impression I get from walking in the dark, alone with nature made me aware of my existence.

I really am alive. I can feel. I can see. I can hear. I can smell. I can taste. But the most important thing is, I am one with God's creation. And God is with me. I am never alone. Even in the midst of seemingly deserted place, I have company. There is God in all that is there. He is the breeze. He is in the leaves, robust or dried ones. He is in every vegetation that grows, along the streets or in fertile ground.  He is the pebbles, in stones and in rocks. He is in the nocturnal animals that sometimes scare me when I pass by our street in moonless nights. Now even the starless sky tells me He is there. The earth I step on is He. He is the road I travel every night. And all other roads I take. My existence is not coincidental. He created me. I am special.

Simplicity.

Spontaneity.

Play.

Hope these three words would again guide me the next time I let them take full control of me. The next time, I shall discover not just my existence and the God in every entity and within myself, but also the purpose of my being.

Simplicity.

Spontaneity.

Play.

P.S.

Try them. They won't harm you.

Your confidence and your sense of mastery depend a great deal on how you react to threats made by others.

A threat leads to nothing if it is not accepted. In fighting the good fight, you should not forget that. Just as you should never forget that both attacking and fleeing are part of the fight. What isn't a part of the fight is becoming paralyzed by fear.

- Petrus, The Pilgrimage

  By Paulo Coelho

Perhaps by now you know how gradual I read the current book under my perusal. Like what I have said, I lack the luxury of time no matter how much I wish I could move on to the next book in my reading list. But I find this pace more advantageous. I mean, I have all the time (Now that may sound ironic!) to contemplate after every chapter how I could relate it to my personal experiences. And I am one hell of a lucky person because my every fall has some Coelho line or two that would retrieve my dampened spirit back to its struggle and back to my reality.

And a while back, inside the bus on my way to work (as usual), I have come across with the above lines.   And so I went on with my contemplation as I integrate it with the lines I have posted last Saturday.

I admitted I was envious in some ways to what my friends have achieved. Well, that is how I interpreted my feelings. But my introspection told me I was not necessarily envious with their achievement, because for a fact, I have my little own, too, but I was more focused on the earthly wealth those achievements suggest.

My envy is instigated by other people. But it all boils down to the fact that this envy is a threat to my confidence and sense of mastery to conquer my dreams.

Yes, I too felt fear. Fear of not being able to conquer my devil. Fear of not achieving the expectations I have set for myself, not just the dreams I have fantasized in my mind which I vocally expressed but also the plans I have weaved for my kids and my family. Fear of not being able to be who I was purposely born for. And fear of many other unknown faces of my existence, my devils.

And these fears made me so insecure of my ability to achieve and even doubt my potential to be. But thanks to Petrus who told Paulo not to be paralyzed by his fear. I too would take his word that I should not be paralyzed by these fears. Even if Petrus might laugh at me if he would come across this blog (Umasa ba?) and he would repeat to me the same lines he told Paulo with the presence of the nun. To those who have read The Pilgrimage, I know that you know too well what I am referring to, but to those who haven't, let me just quote Petrus' lines (even this may fail to encapsulate the whole scenario):

"…When you sensed the presence of something positive, your imagination concluded that someone had arrived to help you. And this, your faith, saved you. Even though it was based on an assumption that was absolutely false."

I seem to be that. I assume, as Petrus and others may perceive that the lines I read from The Pilgrimage are directly and intentionally for me because of my experiences at the moment. I just do hope, my faith in Petrus' lines would redeem me like Paulo from the calls of evil.

Ah! Life space. I interpret the things around me as some conspiracy designed by the cosmic powers that travails my hemisphere. Argh! Poetic? Nah! I'm just playing with words… again.

Like I have said, blogging is cathartic for me. This is my avenue for expression. At the same time my way of negating the ill feelings I start to sense building within me. Actually too, I have sought the help of an expert about my feelings of envy. I was a bit pacified because she said that these feelings arise as part of human nature. It is not wrong. It only becomes wicked when my envy eats up my sanity and I devise devilish schemes to kill my source of envy not by knives though but by the power of my words. In Filipino slang, chismis or paninirang-puri (fabrication of issues to dehumanize others); which I am not capable of.

And let me go back to blogging. Aside from its cathartic effect on me, it also gives me a sense of fulfillment because I am able to share a part of who I am to people I actually do not know and inspire them (as they claim) in more ways than one. And just last week, I forgot to mention may be because my envy then was guzzling me up, Nice (a reader and blog visitor) told me that my entry "I am a Certified Bookworm" was posted by Paulo Coelho himself in his blogsite http://paulocoelho.com and she too appreciated the booklist I presented along with another blog visitor.

Imagine how euphoric I was! The renowned Bestselling Author of The Alchemist among all others actually visited my site and skim read a few of my entries (I presume because the entry he posted was not the day's recent post and to the bloggers, you know what that means) and chose to post in his site a simple prose written by an aspiring writer like me. And so after checking my entry on Coelho's site (News section, now in the Archives), I got to have that sense of achievement. My enthusiasm in writing was ablazed even more.

Yeah! This is what I am driving at. The fight I am fighting is not seeking achievement with material compensation. My fight is to experience the love that consumes. Agape.

Now it has become clearer to me as I write this blog and integrate my recent analysis to previous stored introspections in my memory bank, that my devil is not a dog with many faces but money and the power and prestige it promises. If you may recall with me, the reason why my American dream was born was because of my need to help those who have helped us during Mama's suffering. My purpose was to finance my dream to build a school for children with special needs who are growing in number in our locality but has no facilities to provide them with the quality intervention they deserve. My reason too was to get myself back to school (with my kids of course going to the best schools) and finish a degree in Clinical Psychology and be an author of books in Psychology and stuff that could give life more meaning for people.

Rationalizing?

I may be. Yes I am. But it is only through seeking your own reality and questioning your own intentions that you can give more meaning, deeper that is, to your own existence.

So be it…

Which kind of love are you talking about: eros, philos or agape?

Eros is the usual love that exists between two people.

Philos is love in friendships. It is also that love felt when the flame of eros stopped burning between couples and still they stick together.

While agape is the love that consumes. And this may be experienced in the form of enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm meant trance or ecstacy -- a connection with God. Enthusiasm is agape directed at a particular idea or a specific thing. We have all experienced it. When we love and believe from the bottom of our heart, we feel ourselves to be stronger than anyone in the world, and we feel a serenity that is based on the certainty that nothing can shake our faith.

- Petrus, The Pilgrimage

I was very vocal in my past entries how disillusioned I was after attending that seminar for aspiring teachers to the US. It seemed to me that all of my hopes and dreams all crumbled to my feet like some quivering protoplasm withdrawn from its source of nurturance.

The more disheartened I was after a week when my friend called me up telling me she received a call from the agency to attend the orientation for interview. This just meant that she has some chances I didn't have to get an interview from some prospective employers. Another fact: She didn't attend the seminar. I only fed her the details. That pulled the trigger of disillusionment right on my head.

The week after, another friend who is already in the US e-mailed me she has already paid that debt she had in a bank just to go to the US. Next month, she might have a car. This December, she might come home for vacation. Envy? Yeah, right that you are. Envy consumed that little hope I have.

Last week, two friends e-mailed me. They said they are processing their US visa. Come next year, they might be spending the summer there. Good for them, eh?!

Last night, with all the failures I directed to myself, I asked my husband, "What would be our resort if in case I won't be getting a job in the US?"

He answered with a grin on his face, "Well, honey, I don't have any idea. Actually, I don't ever think about it. Believe me, you will get that job you want."

Nice push!

My brother also texted me, "If it will happen, it will happen. Don't be so hard on yourself."

Am I being hard on myself?

This morning, in my way to graduate college, I brought out The Pilgrimage (I honestly haven't finish reading the book yet. This is my third week, I guess. I don't really have the luxury of time to finish the book. I only read it inside the bus to my way to work and home and school.) and went on reading as usual inside the moving vehicle.

Then I reached the agape thing. Then enthusiasm. Then that page on regaining enthusiasm. Then the Blue Sphere Exercise. The moving bus didn't stop me from feeling the blue waves strike my system. The noisy people that moves about in the bus didn't mean a thing. That spark was there. Playing in my mind. Getting through my veins.

To those who have read the book, they know what I am talking about. I mean, it seemed the whole world stopped with the lines as I read them. The words are so powerful that my imagination worked with every description. And I seem to actually experience that blue sphere consuming my being.

The driver's yell dragged me back to reality. And I promised to myself, I shall perform the exercise. My only problem now is: With whom?

Nah!

Disheartenment is failure to see the importance of your struggle. I feel some degree of shame. I thought I was fighting the good fight. But I wasn't. I am not. Because I still haven't searched that substance that will keep my dream from sparkling even in the midst of darkness.

Indeed, I am a pilgrim... still searching for purpose and meaning.

What is there behind my US dreams?

Wealth?

Pristege?

Power?

All seem so earthly for me.

Ah! Blogging even gives me more meaning because my realizations I am able to express in words and share to people, touch them in some way even when we move in different planes.

Life space?

Yeah, move about in different life spaces.

Sour graping?

Sweet lemoning? (If there seems to be a term.)

I hope not. I am just expressing my thoughts... for now.

Coldness That Shivers

Dawn of June 12, 2004

The coldness of day seems endlessly journeying in the portals of my soul – tearing my sanity into bits of agonizing pieces. Darkness is the only luminous sight. Silence is the only audible sound. Both of which, the beat of the heart has succumb to their powers.

Then a voice suddenly whispered to my ear, "Run… run as fast as you can. Run towards the nearing dawn. The night is almost through."

But I cannot move my feet. I wanted to challenge the night to at least break the stars free from the thick clouds of which man calls suffering. Or maybe, I wanted to sneak through the night – for it is the only place where I could feel the happiness of the past that has been grabbed away from me. Or yet maybe, still, I am hoping to find a chance to steal from death my beloved mother who has cradled me from a single cell to what I have become.

But I know that the time is up. Got myself a poor bargain. God has finally decided to take her beside Him – where darkness becomes light, silence becomes music, and death and suffering becomes a pathway of petals and crown of glory.

Yes, the time is up. It has come to an end. God's sun has brought the day… ending the darkness of night. But soon… my night shall befall me.

Somebody might also want to grab my night away from me and bargaining shall be of no value, and God will intercede again…

And by then I shall plead, "Please don't stop the shivering coldness, for it is in this darkness of death that I shall see my Mama once again."

Yes, the time shall soon come where darkness becomes light, silence becomes music, and death and suffering becomes a pathway of petals and crown of glory.

Soon… when my time is up.

Soon…

God! I almost fell from my swivel when I heard my phone ring. I was as serious as hell writing an entry about my Father. I was about to explode in tears emoting when I clicked on my phone and heard the usual playful voice on the other end of the line. Well, even if I would be seemingly dead, I would recognize Aurora's voice.

I said, "Hey girl, wazzup!"

She demanded an explanation why I did not call her.

"The nerve!", I hissed. "What for?"

"So you could make a good continuation of that entry you posted about my love life. You kept it hanging for sometime, the readers might lose their ganacity to finish my story."

Argh!

"Hello! Then it's my fault?! You must have forgotten that you hanged up on me. It is I, my dear Aurora, whose credibility and reputation that was put to a hook. Just reminding you, in case you have forgotten."

Then she was laughing like some loony that I almost dropped the phone for fear that she must be really out of her mind because of Romualdo. Then I voiced out my fear. The more that she laughed. After some minutes though, her laughter faded (but it seemed echoing in my head).

"You sure, you wanna continue writing your entry about me?", she asked.

I hesitated for a moment, "Sure!", I declared after realizing that this might be a good indication that she is now ready to talk. At least I could have a share in helping her unload some burdens.

So she went on…

"After Romualdo, I met Honorio (with a silent "H" – mabantot pa rin). He was witty, fun to be with, like a combination of Renato and Diomedes but different."

I blurted, "Idiosyncratic!" (Sounds familiar, eh!)

She agreed with the term. Though I was thinking of another working definition (like Research) which means, I mean a shorter term for "Idiot!" (Ain't I creative?) I wish to include "savant" to the term because he is an expert – a real expert manipulator. Why? Read on, dudes!

Aurora simply ignored my side comment. She continued…

"Honorio is such a gentleman. He would feed me good sumptuous meals. He would buy me chocolates and roses and shower me with soft shy kisses."

"Shy? Uh! Really? A real idiot!", I unintentionally uttered in a frisky tone. But now, I don't know for whom the term applies to – is it with Honorio or Aurora?

Because as far as I know, the guy sucks! During those times she was courting Aurora, he was dating some other girls. He dated them in the same places where he brought her to feed those good sumptuous meals. He bought the same chocolates and roses for those others whom he claimed girl-friends. He was sweet to almost every girl in school. He was a gentleman so she admires, but I think he was a scheming wolf. In fact, he gave me that same chocolate and that same rose he bought for Aurora. In fact, he brought me to that same diner where he brought Aurora the following night. I knew it because I followed him after he dropped me off at my apartment. I knew it because he is the same guy my boardmate saw coming out from an apartelle early morning where a same promiscuous young woman lives. I bet my head off, both did not have a good night sleep.

Aurora knew those facts, but I wasn't sure she realized she was falling off his bait. Yes, she did. I just confirmed it, right now.

Honestly, I didn't know what to say because this guy was the reason why Aurora and I had a little misunderstanding that was blown into a full length disagreement that lasted almost a decade. She mistook me flirting with the idiot guy!   

I reminded her. She was apologetic at first but we both felt the rush of laughter at the incident. Those were our childish foolishness. Damn the man! Really… damn him!

Guy number five is Liaracious. Sounds delicious, eh. Indeed he is yummy as Aurora claimed he is. But like Honorio, Ejercito (Irap ba? Liar nga!) is also an expert – expert liar. Sometimes he believes in his lies as his reality that when you try to check and balance his universe, you become the criminal. Duh!

Next guy, please!!!

But Aurora seem not to hear me. She persisted.

"Don't be so hard on the guy, girl. I know he just loved me so much that's why he made up those stories to impress me, my family and other people. He is afraid to lose me because he always tells me I am his life. And that he would die if we would not end up together."

"And you believed him?", I snapped (the real villain that I am), "Aren't you still convinced that the guy has some personality problem? He thinks the whole world admires him. He even thinks I liked him."

"Isn't it true?"   

"Aurora!"

"Okay, well. In some ways…"

"In some ways what? You believe me but in some ways you don't. Is that it? You too are crazy. Don't tell me you're still in love with the guy."

"Hell, no!!!", she almost broke my eardrum with that. "I mean, of course, I did love him. I actually realized that after some time. Even when the moon is round and I feel a little chill he might struck me with his pocket knife each time. Uh! I still loved the guy."

"Now the real lunatic is talking."

Aurora giggled. "I think I'm ready with guy number six."

"So you love him?"

"Sort of… I mean, I almost kinda fell for him."

I gave her my silence.

"Okay! Okay! I'm deeply in love with the guy. I think this is what they call real love."

Again, my silence.

"Fine. I know this is wrong. All of my relationships are wrong. The more that this is wrong. I mean, Husbandtolitis is pretty much like the others…"

I burst out laughing with the name she branded guy number six. It sounds like some kind of bacterial infection.

Aurora agreed. "He really is like an infection consuming my system."

"God, you're serious."

"Yes I am. But I know this would lead me nowhere."

"Like the others."

"Yeah, like the others."

Now, it was Aurora's turn to be silent.

"Are you still on the line?"

"Yeah."

Again… silence.

"Maria?"

"Yeah."

"I think tomorrow I'm going to Ruth's house. Can you come with me?"

A little doubt embraced me. But God knows I felt a tinge of hope. And hesitation. "Why?"

"It's time for me to settle things with my wife… once and for all."

Ama (Father)

Ama. Hindi ko lubos maintindihan ang plano ng May Likha. Lalo pa at nang mga sandaling naghihirap ang aking Ina sa kanyang karamdaman ay wala sa aming piling ang aking Ama. Kung nasaan siya at kung bakit wala siya ay itatabi ko na lamang at di isisiwalat bilang huling respeto sa alaala niya. Dahil pagbali-baliktarin man ang mundo, Ama ko pa rin siya, gaano mang pighati ang naidulot niya sa amin.

Ama. Lulubog-lilitaw. Siya iyan. Minsan, napaisip din ako na mas maigi yata kung wala siya lagi dahil mas maayos ang buhay… mas tahimik.

Ama. Patawarin nawa niya ako sapagkat inaamin ko na nasok sa isipan ko ang bagay na yaon. Oo! Kung maaari lamang palitan ang bawat himaymay sa aking katauhan na mag-uugnay sa akin sa kanya, gagawin ko. Kahit ang bawat patak ng dugo niyang nananalaytay sa aking mga ugat ay nakaramdam ako ng pandidiri. Ngunit sa kabila ng lahat ng galit at poot na tumutupok sa aking pagkatao, isang bahagi ko ang patuloy na nagmamahal sa kanya… ang aking puso dahil ito lamang ang nakakaramdam sa kaibuturan nito na siya ang aking Ama.

Ama. Nasambot ko rin minsan na di kita mapapatawad. Di ko malilimot ang lahat ng iyong ginawa. Ipinaubaya ko na sa Poon ang aking kaluluwa dahil sa mga pagkakataong nakikita ko ang lumbay sa mga mata ni Ina, higit na makapangyarihan ang aking galit. Umabot sa puntong, walang-wala akong makapang pagpapatawad para sa kanya. Bahala na ang Diyos sa akin. Patawarin nawa Niya ako.

Ah! Pagpapatawad. Hindi marurok malimit sa hindi ang disenyo ng Poon sa ating buhay. Ngunit sumagi sa aking isipan na maaaring sa pagpanaw ng aking Ama lamang namin masusumpungan ang pagpapatawad.

Tama! Si Ina ang nasubaybayan namin sa kanyang pakikibaka sa Cancer. Naglaro pa nga sa aking imahinasyon ang tagpong nakaburol na si Ina at magpapakita si Ama sa kanyang libing. Sinasabi ng aking pusong anak pa ring maituturing na ang aking Ama ay may karapatan upang magluksa rin. Subalit kaakibat ng gayong pakiramdam ay ang hinanakit na nais ipagtabuyan si Ama.

Ngunit pinaglaruan kami ng kapalaran. Itinadhanang maunang mamayapa si Ama. Laking gulat namin noon. Ang animong galak ay walang pasubaling bigat ng kalooban. Sapagkat sa pagbabalik ni Ama… ang aming muling pagkikita ay di tulad sa mga eksenang naglaro sa aking isipan, kundi isa na siyang malamig na bangkay.

Panunumbat? Mayroon. Sapagkat nang-iwan na nga siya, heto at nagbalik ngunit tuluyan nang mawawala. Ang kaibahan nga lang ngayon, alam namin kung saan siya matatagpuan.

Pero bakit nga ba ganito ang buhay? Masama ba akong anak? Wala ba akong kuwentang tao sa aking nakaraan? Sana'y nakapag-usap kami ni Ama. Sana'y sa kanyang pagbalik ay di siya isang malamig na nilalang. Sana'y nagkasama-sama pa kami bago niya nilisan ang mundo at bago pumanaw si Ina. Sana'y nakapagpatawaran pa kami. Sana'y nabuo pa kami… isang pamilya, nawatak ngunit nagkasama-samang muli… naging masaya, kahit sansaglit.

Ah! napakaraming sana. Ngunit hanggang pangarap na lamang ang lahat. Wala nang patutunguhan ang mga pagsisisi. Ang Diyos na lamang ang mag-uugnay sa amin. Nawa'y naipa-abot ng aking mga panangis ang aking dalamhati… ang pagpapatawad at ang aming pagmamahal.

Di ko lubos maisip na sa ganito hahantong ang lahat. Kamatayan ni Ina noon ang aming hinihintay datapwat ang sa iyo pala'y mauuna pa sa kanya.

Kapalaran. Di ko mawari. Sadyang mapaglaro ang buhay.

Napakasakit ng ating muling pagkikita-kita. Napakasaklap. Ubod ng hapdi ang sugat na naiwan nating nakatiwangwang… naiwan sa bawat-isa. Anong pait. Nawa'y paghilumin ng Diyos ang sugat na ito.

Nais ka man naming yakapin. Nais ka man naming hagkan. Nais man nating iparating sa bawat isa ang pagpapatawad at bigkasin ang pagmamahal na tinabunan ng sanlaksang hinanakit, huli na… 

Aking Ama… patawad…

Patawad sa mga pagkukulang. Patawad sa paghihimagsik ng kalooban. Patawad sa mga masasakit na salitang nabitawan. Patawad sa mga panahong nasayang.

Ipanatag mo rin ang iyong kalooba't kaluluwa, pagkat napatawad ka na rin namin. Nawa'y magaan ang iyong paglalakbay patungo sa dako pa roon ng buhay. Ngayon, ang tangi kong panalangin ay ang iyong katahimikan. Nawa'y naakay ka ng Diyos sa Kanyang kanlungan. At sa muling pagku-krus ng landas ninyo ni Ina, nawa'y makapa pa rin ninyo sa inyong mga puso ang pagmamahalang minsan ninyong pinagtibay. At sa tahanang ipinagkaloob ng Poon, kayo nawa'y panghabang-buhay nang magmamahalan. 

The older sister’s question

 
When her brother was born, Sa-chi Gabriel begged her parents to leave her alone with the baby. They refused, fearing that, as with many four-year-olds, she was jealous and wanted to mistreat him.

 
But Sa-chi showed no signs of jealousy. And since she was always extremely affectionate towards her little brother, her parents decided to carry out an experiment. They left Sa-chi alone with their new-born baby, but kept the bedroom door ajar so that they could watch what she did.

 
Delighted to have her wish granted, little Sa-chi tiptoed over to the cradle, leaned over the baby and said:

 
‘Tell me what God is like. I’m beginning to forget.’

I find today's message very applicable to my sense of being since Gabrielle just celebrated her birthday yesterday. Beatrice was almost four when I gave birth to her sister. I thought things would be very difficult for us especially explaining to Beatrice the presence of Gabrielle and how we could teach her to love her sister as much as we do. Then we realized, we underestimated our daughter's innate ability to love. She would make Gabrielle milk and would lull her to sleep even when she wakes her up in the middle of the night. Indeed, God's gift of children is one of the best blessings one could ever have. And I am very thankful to have found the happiness of such blessing amidst life's struggles. Children too are God's way (in my experience) of manifesting Himself to remind us that He is ever present in our lives. Jesus himself was endeared in the presence of children. He let them come to him despite his tiredness. Their simplicity, innocence and spontaneity make them special. And I'm glad I share in this kind of happiness with my kids.

Where are we?

Ah! I think we're at the eighth scene – sixth planet where the Little Prince dropped by before landing on Earth.

And what did he see there?

Eighth scene: The sixth planet was ten times bigger than the last. And there lived a geographer who holds a big book and claims that what he does is very important to humanity. But alas! He doesn't even know whether a single ocean or mountain exists in his own planet. He says, such is the work of an explorer. When asked if he too has a record of flowers, he retorted there was none because flowers are ephemeral.

Lesson: People sometimes act as this geographer. We claim we know everything. We even try to challenge the one who created us. But in the end, we can't even prove our own existence, not even the substance of our being present.

Ninth scene: At last, the Little Prince has reached Earth. But regrettably, the first creature he met was a snake. (And by God, we all know what snakes represent here on Earth!) And thus went the conversation:

Little Prince: Good evening.

Snake: Good evening.

Little Prince: What planet have I landed on?

Snake: Earth. In Africa.

Little Prince: And are there no people on Earth?

Snake: It's the desert here. There are no people in the desert. Earth is very big.

Little Prince: It's a little lonely in the desert.

Snake: It's also lonely with people.

Little Prince: You're a funny creature, no thicker than a finger.

Snake: But I'm more powerful than a king's finger.

Little Prince: You're not very powerful. You couldn't travel very far.

Snake: I can take you further than a ship. Anyone I touch, I send back to the land from which he came. But you're innocent, and you come from a star… I feel sorry for you, being so weak in this granite Earth, I can help you, someday, if you grow too homesick for your planet. I can –

Little Prince: Oh, I understand just what you mean, but why do you always speak in riddles?

Snake: I solve them all.

Lesson: Snakes are all around the planet Earth. Beware! They may fit in the shoe of wisdom or lure you with their beauty or may even entice you with exquisite colors, but as I have said, snakes will always be snakes. Keep off the bait!

Tenth scene: The Little Prince came across a blossoming rose garden where he realized her rose was not the only rose in the entire universe as what his rose claims she is. And he said to himself, "she would be very annoyed if she saw this… She would cough terribly and pretend to be dying, to avoid being laughed at. And I'd have to pretend to be nursing her; otherwise, she'd really let herself die in order to humiliate me."

Lesson: Don't be arrogant. Don't be conceited. Don't be egotistic. Don't be haughty. In short… be humble! Did I just enumerate synonymous words? Duh!

Eleventh scene: And now here comes the fox from whom the Little Prince learned that One sees clearly with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.

Lesson: Argh! Don't be stupid! I know that you know what that means.

Twelfth scene: (I'm excited, we're almost there…) And so the Little Prince met with our author, and again, like the snake, back into the desert. "What happened there?", you may ask in equal anticipation, but let me lay this straight… blah… blah… blah… Ooooppssss! What happened? My words spill no more!

Lesson: Don't rely much on strangers. Get a copy of the book! As for that discussion on life space... well, I kinda like to hear from you before I get the dice rolling.

I spent the whole morning cursing that man in white cloak who claimed disrespect when he himself was on the phone when such is banned, I mean, the mere possession of it is banned in the vicinity of my blah... blah... blah...

Difficult for me to say things but indeed, i am bothered by such immature behavior.

Anyway, after a half day of trying to pacify my anger and calming my senses, I started encoding my assignment and target workload for the day, and this is what I have done so far:

Chapter VII

GUIDANCE

The Guidance

The Grade School and High School Guidance program is aimed at helping the individual by his/her own effort as far as possible, to achieve up to the level of his/her own capacity to gain personal satisfaction, in as many aspects of his/her life as possible, and to make his/her maximum contribution to the society... blah... blah... blah... blah...

-- Very reproductive, eh! And another thing I am proud of is that, I have settled one major issue that has long been overdue. As a matter of fact, I should have done this before. But I have kept my silence since I know in my heart the truth behind every single pain I received from someone I loved way back then. I felt that nobody deserved my explanation... as long as my hubby believes in me, that's enough for me. And I'm glad I did remain silent.

Nobody knew the real feelings I had. And it pained me more to hear careless, insensitive comments from people who do not know me personally and was not there when things happened. Moreso, the person who got all things messed up can no longer stand for me.

BUT... I am fortunate enough to have met a person amidst all these, who is very truthful, frank, but sensible and does not judge by word and stories she has heard. I am hoping, we would be able to nourish the friendship we have started. The past is no longer here... though that is what connects us both.

To my newfound friend, thank you too for the trust. Remember this, too:

Indeed, happiness is happiness when it is there... but it is the same happiness that causes pain when the fangs of betrayal and lies hit the soul.

I know your unconditional love for the man would shield you from those fangs.

Be happy! I wish you well...

When the Son of God descended to Earth, he brought love to us. But since people identified love with suffering and sacrifice, they felt that they have to crucify Jesus. Had they not done so, no one would have believed in the love that Jesus brought, since people were so used to suffering everyday with their own problems.

Do you know what Barabbas means? Bar means son and abba means father.

The intentions of the divine glory were so wise. When Pontius Pilate made the people choose, he actually gave them no choice at all. He presented them with one man who had been whipped and was falling apart, and he presented them with another man who held his head high -- Barabbas, the revolutionary. God knew that the people would put the weaker one to death so that he could prove his love.

And regardless of which choice they made, it was the Son of God who was going to be crucified.

- Petrus, The Pilgrimage