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Topic: Life in general
The Cult of Kirby
Published: Apr.21.2008 @ 2:48 pm | Print | Email | Comment

Welcome to the Kirby TEAM, where if you just remain POSITIVE, your golden dreams are right around the corner!!!

To start you off RIGHT, and let you know JUST what you are in for, please remember that when you applied for the job here, you most likely followed a MISLEADING ad in the paper!  But don't worry, we're a TOTALLY honest company, we swear!

IF you make 15 appointments a week and bring back a bazillion referrals from EVERY appointment, we'll even PAY you for your first two weeks of training somewhere around $400 per week!  Of course, our ESTABLISHED sales people DO get appointments first and then IF there are enough left over you MIGHT even get 15 of them!  Oh and I'm SO sorry, but you didn't bring back ENOUGH referrals, so we can't pay you THIS week...  but remember, STAY POSITIVE because your BIG BREAK could be just NEXT WEEK!

CONGRATULATIONS!  You've made your FIRST SALE!!!  Of course, it's a "low ball" sale, so you're only getting $100 and, since training is salary OR commission that's ALL you're getting...  but it's a START on your way to the BIG BREAK which could be as soon as NEXT WEEK!

I know, you've had two weeks without a SINGLE sale, but don't WORRY!  I know you'll find gas money SOMEHOW to make next week's appointments, because your BIG BREAK is right around the corner, if you just STAY POSITIVE!

WOW!  You've had an AMAZING week!  5 sales and only ONE fell through!  Here ya go, have about $1000!  See?  Just keep it up and ALL your DREAMS will come true!

What?  You say you miss spending time with your family?  They don't really LIKE you working 70-80 hours a week?  Weekends and holidays?  Well, just STAY POSITIVE because they'll LOVE it when the BIG BUCKS start rolling in!  THEN you'll have PLENTY of time to spend with them!

HUH???  Your wife and son are sick?  Well sorry, you KNOW you don't have medical insurance OR sick days, so what are WE supposed to do about it?  What???  Um, sorry you haven't made enough sales to have ANY money to pay for a doctor but remember, STAY POSITIVE, because you'll do better NEXT WEEK!

What?  You say your wife has lost so much weight because she doesn't eat to make sure there's enough for your son to eat she's down 4 dress sizes?  Cheer up!  Remind her that, when you DO make it big that's the PERFECT excuse to get a whole new wardrobe!  Just remember to STAY POSITIVE and you'll make it BIG in no time!

You say your son barely recognizes you any more and your wife has forgotten what it's like to talk with you and snuggle and such?  Well then, you just REMIND her that you're doing ALL THIS so you can MAKE IT BIG and give them a BETTER LIFE!  Remind her that they have to BE POSITIVE for you, so that you can concentrate on making those sales!  I just KNOW your BIG BREAK is coming if you just BELIEVE and WORK HARD!

Huh?  Your utilities have been cut off, your car repossessed, and your landlord is evicting you because you haven't been able to pay rent in three months???  Don't worry!  All it'll take is a bit MORE time and effort and I just KNOW that you'll make it BIG in NO TIME at all!  Remember to BE POSITIVE and everything will be FINE!

Oh, don't WORRY!  I know you haven't been making sales but we're a business that's NOT affected by the economy!  Even when people are worried about losing their homes, putting food on their table and gas in their cars they're MORE than happy to drop $1000 to $2000 on a vacuum cleaner as WONDERFUL as they Kirby!  You're just having a bad run of luck is all!  Don't worry it will ALL be better NEXT WEEK

Wow!  You mean you LOST your home and your wife and son got sent clear across the country to live with some friends who could put them up because their ONLY other option was a shelter?  How truly AWFUL for you!  You must miss those 3 or 4 hours you spend with them DREADFULLY!  But CHEER UP and STAY POSITIVE, because you'll be making the BIG BUCKS any day now and then you can bring them home and all live happily ever after!

You just have to BE POSITIVE and BELIEVE...

Yeah, right...  I believe in FAERIES more than I believe the Cult of Kirby propaganda!
There are 9 comments. Post A Comment | Subscribe To Comments
Comments:
posted by Anonymous. on Apr.23.2008 @ 1:09 am
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Just think - you aren't going to be making cold calls! Not at all... *mumble*
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posted by GypsySprite on Apr.23.2008 @ 8:57 am
Because everybody WANTS to WIN a free carpet cleaning and once they see how WONDERFUL the Kirby is they'll just be DYING to take out a second mortage to buy one!!!
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posted by Anonymous. on Apr.23.2008 @ 9:04 am
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Oy. I take it things are going on the same way they have been?
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posted by GypsySprite on Apr.23.2008 @ 9:11 am
Eh, pretty much hun...On the PLUS side of life after a trip to Goodwill and Salvation army I have some "new" clothes...Of course, on the MINUS side one of the pants I got is a size 6 and, um, I can take them off without unzipping them...That says it all, don't it???
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posted by Anonymous. on Apr.23.2008 @ 9:29 pm
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......
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posted by Anonymous. on May.28.2008 @ 6:28 pm
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Thanks for this article, my 18 year old nephew had dollar signs in his eyes after replying to the Kirby add in Franklin TN. - after the 1st meeting he learned that these "appointments" were not set up in advance, but that he would be cold calling on houses. That plus a few more lies was all he needed to become leary. We immediately came on the internet to research this methos and company. THANK YOU for this post - he returned the next day with several tough questions for the company. They were elusive to his qauestions and reminded him he had been warned about discussing this with his family! (?)Needless to say, he will be looking for other means of employment!Again, thanks, people really need to share their experiences ( like you ) with this type of thing!
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posted by GypsySprite on Mar.22.2010 @ 10:06 pm
I'm glad my little rant could help SOMEONE out there escape their evil clutches!!!
 
Kirby led to homelessness, divorce, and my son and I are still trying to obtain some vague semblance of financial stability and security...  Meanwhile, the ex finally quit Kirby and moved on in his life with a new wife and a distinct lack any ANY kind of child support whatsoever...
 
Ah, well, I still have the best son in the world and I know for a fact he'll NEVER be stupid enough to fall for Kirby - or other similiar - crap!
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posted by Anonymous. on May.10.2010 @ 6:15 pm
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ok, first off, kirby is what you make it! people sit there and say i worked 80 hours this week and didnt make shit. well sorry sitting in the van the whole time doesnt make you money. you have to be in houses, to sell the kirbys to make money. i am a kirby dealer and i  do make 800 to 1001 a week selling kirbys. but u have to do ur job! not just show up and smoke your cigarrettes in the van. kirby is not a job it is an oppurtunity to make it big in life. people who down size kirby are the people who just couldnt take the hours! it is NOT for everyone. just for motivated people who want more than just to pay the bills. it is a fun environment, and theres always a contest to win to go on a free trip! its real life and i couldnt of asked for a better oppurtunity in life. people who hate are just mad bc it wasnt for them. its not a scam. and there is a base pay if you do your job! every kirby office is different. so if you got the wrong impression on it, then sorry you feel that way. im so tired of people talking down on kirby when they dont know what there talking about! and yes u do have to be a positive person!
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posted by GypsySprite on May.10.2010 @ 6:37 pm
My ex worked for Kirby for over two years.  When he made money he did very well.  However, more often than not, people just weren't buying.  Then, as a "top seller" he was moved up into "management", and we were right back to him making nothing 75% of the time.  After all, if the people under him didn't sell anything, then he didn't get any money off their sales.
Whenever a new distributorship opens in an area they tend to do extremely well for a while.  Then, however, all those people who can afford to spend the ridiculous amount of money the vacuum costs have already bought theirs.  The well runs dry, and sales go *poof*
Can people make a good living selling Kirby?  Yes, a rare few can and do, and do so very well.  For the majority, however, no matter their work ethic (much as I despise him for many things, he did have an excellent work ethic) they fail.  The "good" money they made has already been blown (sometimes on frivolous things and other times to play "catch up" on bills from the lean times) and when lean times DO hit (and they ALWAYS do!) they have nothing to fall back on.
He was NEVER home and when he was he was on calls until after midnight.  For two years we had NO life.  Many times the very little bit of money I made with my online business to feed our son, HE ended up needing for gas so he could, hopefully, make a sale.  This led to me barely eating (at 5'8" being 105 pounds is NOT a good thing!) and still having to make a few bucks so my son didn't starve.
We lost our rental for repeated non-payment.  We had our utilities off more than on. Most of the time there was just enough food in the house to feed Luc.  I ended up being forced to live in another state with Luc at a friend's house, while he stayed here in CT and continued to work for Kirby.  Over that 4 months I received about $150 dollars to cover expenses for Luc and myself.  He never seemed to get together enough money, in 4 entire months, to get a new place and get us back home.  When we did finally get ourselves home (he found a friend back here for Luc and I to stay with) it was to a broken marriage and his inability to pay child support.  And still he chose to work for Kirby.
Proving he could make it against all odds (the actual percentage of success at Kirby is 1 in 2500 against!) at Kirby was more important to him than his family was.  So please, allow me my spot to vent my hatred for a company that sucks people into their realm with lies and misleading advertising!
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