Another Slice of the Knife

A smile flashing, eyes smiling as I lace you into boots
making sure they fit just right as we flirt and laugh...

SLASH

Hanging out behind the booth for a cigarette and
flirting and laughing, bursting with happiness...

SLASH

Giggling at IHOP, chattering away about everything
as we play under the table, hot and heavy...

SLASH

The teeny apartment in Pawling, laughing over too many people
and cats in such a small place and loving it anyway

SLASH

Time stolen to be together in the Jeep and the very high
probability we gave at least a few trucker an eyeful...

SLASH

Comforting each other through heartaches and
laughing through our tears for we still have each other...

SLASH

Long phone calls and talks through the night sharing
secrets and hopes and dreams and fears with each other...

SLASH

Finally having each other and loving life because we
DO have each other no matter what and life is good...

SLASH

Asking me to marry you and my tearful laughter as I
let you convince me to even though I had sworn never again...

SLASH

Finding myself pregnant and not being anything except
ecstatically happy because it's OURS and life is good...

SLASH

Rushing to the hospital, fear and dread knotting my stomach
and then holding our son for the few hours he lived...

SLASH

Holding, loving and comforting each other after our son was
lost to us, forever, but knowing through it all we had each other...

SLASH

Finding myself pregnant again, too soon, and being scared and
hopeful and knowing that together we can get through anything...

SLASH

You, holding my hand as they cut me open and Luc is born and
then laughing at how elastic my insides are they they tie my tubes...

SLASH

Holding Luc and crying and laughing and feeling like we
own the world and being amazed at how perfect he is...

SLASH

Watching Luc grow and seeing you every time I look in his laughing
eyes while watching you toss him around like a football...

SLASH

Walking down to the bar so Luc can visit while you're working
and sharing the laughter as he runs around and looks in the mirrors...

SLASH

Eight years of love and laughter, shared tears and fears, and having
a life we built together brick by brick through everything...

SLASH

Moment by moment stolen away as your work consumes you
more and more, leaving no TIME for laughter and play and love...

SLASH

Watching our son becoming more lost as day by day Daddy
has less and less time for him and he's grateful for every crumb...

SLASH

DAYS without food, as we have no money or you have no time
or whatever the reason is and I'd rather do without than see Luc hungry...

SLASH

Wondering which utility will be cut THIS month because there's no money
for the rent or the bills or the food while you keep working...

SLASH

Losing our home and our life together as Luc and I are sent away
because we have no-where to go other than a friends or a shelter...

SLASH

Watching as, day by day, Luc becomes more torn and lost because
no matter WHAT I tell him every day he still feels Daddy got rid of us...

SLASH

Comforting him through night after night of nightmares and days of
whining brattiness and having him say "I don't wanna call Daddy"...

SLASH

Trying not to cry as I watch a happy, healthy and well adjusted
child become torn up inside and try to minimize the damage however I can...

SLASH

Telling you the truth about how I feel and being told that I've made
YOU so angry and hurt by it that you don't WANT to try and make it...

SLASH

Two years of a gradual descent into hell,Every day another slice of the knife
Cutting my heart to pieces until now I feel there is nothing left because while
I don't want to throw away our life together, YOU do because in all
of this, YOU are hurt and angry But I am the one whose heart lies
in bloody gobbetts on the ground at your feet to be stepped on or
over and I'm the one who has to smilethrough yet ANOTHER hellish
day so our son can, for a few days more, retain whatever he can of his
childhood innocence and laughter...  even though he's lost his blind faith
and unwavering trust and you have thrown away your status as GOD
in his heart and mind...

SLASH