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| Posted: Nov.15.2007 @ 4:16 pm |
Re-examining the Patriarchal Paradigm
It is a force which led numerous discourse on gender issues and aggravated many and varied forces around human society. The exploration on the og-ogod of women and the insights drawn from the woven stories we shared sprung up very profound realities to speak on what patriarchy is all about. Both men and women were engaged in the critical task of ensuring family survival. Women and men cooperate together to sustain the needs of the family without neglect communal responsibility. Patriarchy as an overall explanatory backdrop of women conditions may not apply simply and without any variations in the case of the women of Belwang. Going deeper from the navigation of context; it should be understood that the nature of work in community is not gendered but more importantly to eke out equally for the survival of the family, the community. The independence of women in subsistence farming and the natural connection to land made everybody work in the farm. The nature of farm work in wet farming like that of Belwang needs collective labor in ob-ovfo fashion and not necessarily be dictated by men. This is an ultimate challenge to patriarchy; women learn and share the same stories and thus the change in consciousness that may lead to transformation of roles is a great threat. That woman may learn from the stories of Iverwang. Finally, this is to say that patriarchy as an overall explanatory backdrop of women conditions may not apply simply and without any variations in the case of the women of Belwang.
This `realization leads to a wider exploration and navigation in the study of women like that of the Bangan of Belwang who are indigenous, being in control of their own destiny and they tackle issues according to their own unique wisdom which best serve their interest and the rest.
Men need to become more aware of the ways in which their assumption, attitude and behavior are gendered to reflect their own situation, exclude a woman's perspectives and thus obstruct women's participation. Women and men together must then negotiate a new dimensional setting that provides spaces for both.
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| Posted: Nov.15.2007 @ 4:06 pm |
The Bangan of Belwang
The rice terraces on the mountains capture best the image of Iverwang women. Well maintained paddies, stone walls, well irrigated and kohol (golden shell that destroys the rice) free rice fields and rich harvest are just one aspect of women's reputation in the family and in the community. It is an image that is being carved and sustained by hard work, industry and perseverance.
Nature has been generous to them and so with them with nature. Life in the farm for women is a continuous task, periods of respite is dependent on the calendar implemented by the Ator elders. Women's awareness of the 'blueprint' of nature endowed them with exceptional character which exemplify the unfathomable realities of "feminine genius" as described by other women researchers and shared by all the women.
The lives of the women of Belwang blend harmoniously with the nature of farm life. Every aspect of the natural environment speaks of her multiple personalities so that the complexities of her relationship to nature was transformed in her values, norms, and attitudes as expressed and recognized including art, resulting in a balance between man and nature. Her life story can be patterned from the seasons of farm life. For an Iverwang family more women in the family would be more beneficial and prestigious.
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| Posted: Nov.15.2007 @ 3:57 pm |
The Ator of Belwang, Sadanga ,Mountain Province
A. Structure
The Ator is a place in the village for men. There are two structures of the Ator: the sleeping quarter, and the court. It seems that it has no difference from any other house in the village. The sleeping quarter is walled and enclosed of piled stones secured together by clay and carabao dung roofed with cogon leaves now with galvanized iron sheets. The ceiling is very low that allows minimal mobility inside like standing and stooping. The door which is the only opening inside is very narrow and it functions also as only means for ventilation. Inside is a raised bed made of a number of smooth pine logs and sticks tied together and woven with rattan. The bed stretched to the end of each wall to accommodate all the members and visitors. At one corner near the door is a fireplace, where logs are burned throughout the night most especially during the cold months. The fire keeps everybody warm and serves as light while some men share og-ogod with one another or even do some kind of relaxing rituals before sleeping. Usually the youngest member especially the unmarried one performs gagat (scratching the soles of the feet using sharpened sticks)and masahe (massage) to the older members before sleeping while sharing some pieces of advice and narratives of events that teach those lessons in life.
Outside the Ator is an open court paved with big flat stones which serve as seat and a circular pave is designed for the council to seat. In the center of this is an open portion, where fire is built throughout the night whenever there are men in the Ator. Today the court is covered also with galvanize iron sheets and also with small attic that serves as storage for the equipments of the Ator like the atang (bamboo pole used for hammock). Before the ap-apoy season a post made from a bundled stick with its leaves together with the rest of the specified plants stands in front of the Ator. (see Appendix B for the complete documentations of the Ator as a structure).
B. Dynamics of the Ator
Ator serves varied functions which has interplay with the dynamics in the life of Iverwang men and the whole community. It is seen as a venue for all the varied activities of the tribe in all aspects of community affairs such as economic, social, moral, political, and spiritual headed by the council of elders. The Ator is composed of clans. The leaders are mostly chosen from a clan with high social status, and much respected by the community.
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| Posted: Nov.14.2007 @ 4:41 pm | Lasted edited: Nov.15.2007 @ 2:28 am |
Reflexive Sociology
Objectivity and Subjectivity in the Realm of Sociology
The article of Alvin W. Gouldner titled, Toward Reflexive Sociology, is a radical analysis of the objectivity and the roles that sociologist play in the field. As one of the major proponents of Reflexive Sociology he argued that Reflexive Sociology aims at transforming the sociologist to deeply understand ho s/he lives his or her life and how this life affects his or her study of sociology. These would include the values that s/he has that might affect his or her craft. Gouldner argues that Reflexive Sociology equips the "knowledge" and "transformation" that the sociologist need to determine the things that s/he does for the discipline from s/he should do for the field. Reflexive sociology also challenges sociologist to look at the society s/he studying through the understanding of his or her self. Thus Reflexive sociology would like the sociologists to look at his subject not as 'aliens" or "other", separate, but, like him or her, individuals that have the skills and talent, in varying levels; trying to understand the society they are in.
Radical Sociology is a radical analysis of objectivity or all sciences, may it be natural or social, arguing that "science construed aimed at producing information, either for its own sake or to enhance power over the surrounding world: to know in order to control, all these in the context of vaguely defined concept of "knowledge", which could, in one way or another, be conceived as "information" and/or "awareness". When social scientists, positivist for that matter, see the social science as a field that needs understanding empirically, they confirm these empirical data to a "reality" that are based or from their own perspectives. With these, it gave man, who studies everything around him, may it be ther nature or his fellow being, the statue of a higher individual. Because these information or awareness about others, men are capable of controlling other people. Another, I think, critique, on the objectivity or sociology, or the whole field of social sciences, is that it "thingafield" man. This establishes the controlling role of men with the "knowledge", "information" and awareness".
This is why Reflexive Sociology suggests that what is appropriate in the study of man and his society is an outward and inward flow or understanding. What Reflexive Sociology suggests is an awareness that is a combination of the attitudes of the person studying and the information he has. The kind of objectivity that the reflexive sociology would like sociologist to have is through the process that a sociologist "accepts and uses information about his own view of social reality, and his effort to know it". And to put it all in short phrases, reflexive sociology argues that "the assumption that the self affects the information system solely in a distorting manner is one-sided: it fails to see that the self may also be a source both of valid insight that enriches study and or motivation that energizes it.
After all these discussions on the caution of Reflexive Soiology in defining objectivity, it gives functionalism and interactionism a different view. Still in the context of objectivity, Reflexive Sociology establishes a new function for the sociologist. If before, the sociologist usually sees him or herself apart from the people that slhe would like to understand, he served the one understanding, but for the reflexive Sociology, the sociologist should now serve the function of being understood well. His function now is more established since his role will be an essential determinant of the outcome of his studies because s/he is one of the subjects as well.
Also, from the interactionist point of view, the sociologist would have a greater meaning in the process of acquiring knew knowledge since, according to Reflexive Sociology, the sociologist should be a part of the process, his values as a person and as a sociologist understanding the society, the purity of the new knowledge a sociologist would acquire will be put in jeopardy because of the values that the sociologist have. Because as interactionist would argue, the important agent in defining or giving meanings to what are happen in the society, thus, what the sociologists have had as experiences would, in one way or another, "stain" ( though, this would be seen from a positive point of view) the knowledge s/he is trying to decipher.
As a conclusion, Reflexive Sociology gives a new perspective in understanding society and these understandings, according to Reflexive Sociology, should also depend on the sociologist him/herself, his/her values, beliefs and experiences.
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| Posted: Oct.09.2007 @ 1:34 pm | Lasted edited: Nov.15.2007 @ 2:14 am |
The Legend of She-ev in Belwang, Sadanga Mountain Province Long ago, a widower had a son who was so weak and thin due to lack of appetite to eat. The widower thought of remedies to make his son regain his appetite to eat. As the only parent of the boy, he decided to leave his son for game in one of the hunting ground Fagkangan. He went with his dog, traveling far away from the tribe. They reached a certain lake within the territory of Kalinga. The dog went ahead falling into the lake but at least the man did not. The man did not know how to get his dog from the lake so he begged and shouted for help from Kabunian to save his dog. Then he heard a woman's voice instructing him how to get back his dog. She advised him to carry the wild deer with the simple instruction of using it as she-eb for his son. She also emphasized that only a male child needs to celebrate a she-ev. She also instructed him that whenever his dog barks along the way, he must pick up a piece of stone called dalimocmoc and catch a wild rooster plus a piece of rattan. These are the things needed aside from the meat and the rice during the celebration of she-ev. The old woman told the widower that when he reaches home, he must cook the wild deer together with a butchered pig called sapalit. Then pound the rice for distribution to the whole community. The widower did as he was instructed by the mysterious woman. The men also served basi and feed the people coming and going to his house. From that time on, the sickly son got well and she-ev is celebrated for the entire male population of Belwang.
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| Posted: Oct.02.2007 @ 2:38 pm | Lasted edited: Nov.15.2007 @ 2:34 am |
THE WOMEN OF BONTOC
Og-ogod (Stories) of Elders narrates that the women of Bontoc descended from a woman named Fukhan. She was chosen by Lumawig (the culture hero and son god of Kabunian, the supreme God of the Igorot) to be his wife. Lumawig took time in observing Fukhan and her elder sister as they gathered beans in Lanao. Lumawig asked his father to make the sun shine very brightly. Due to the increasing heat, Fukhan's older sister kept on going back and forth to the river to wet her tapis. Fukhan, unbothered by the heat, continued her work. Lumawig was most pleased with Fukhan's patience and industry. Thus, Lumawig chose to marry Fukhan. In Belwang and the whole Bontoc area, Fukhan's patience, industry and the ability to withstand physical discomfort became one of the measuring traits of an admirable woman (Bacwaden, 1997: 344).
Like their forebears, the elder women in Bontoc areas are mostly given very high regard by their community. The Bontoc child is taught at an early age to respect and revere the elders.
Among the male and female elders, they relate to each other in different terms. In general, male village elders normally have the final say in most if not all village activities. The necessary and most celebrated village prayers and rituals in almost all known occasions are orchestrated by male elders. However, the tribal community continues to seek the advice of elder women as they are mostly considered carriers of wisdom, whose advice should be heeded. In one of the myths narrated by Cawed, she mentioned of a Bontoc version of the story of the Great Deluge. Before the sons of Lumawig flooded the earth, they first took the advice of an old woman residing in a nearby mountain. With the elder woman's permission, the earth was flooded.
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| Posted: Sep.30.2007 @ 2:40 pm |
Profile of Barangay Belwang
Information about Belwang have not been formalized and mostly scattered in random documents. The succeeding information was collated from the existing records kept by the Barangay secretary which was also the works of other local researchers together with members of Belwang tribe and authorities.
Geographical Location
Belwang is located seven (7) kilometers away from barangay Poblacion Sadanga, the seat of the Local Government Unit. It could only be reached by more than an hour hike depending on one’s speed and strength. It is bounded on the North is Barangay Saclit,the southern part by Barangays Maligcong and Mainit, of the Municipality of Bontoc; on the western portion by the dense forests towards Tubo Abra; and on the East is the Municipality of Sadanga.
Political Subdivision
Belwang is the second largest barangay of the municipality of Sadanga and it is composed of four puroks namely: a) Filig as Purok 1; b) Chetar-Purok 2; Gawana-Purok 3; and d) Lamokay-Purok 4. It has a land area of 2, 360 hectares and at present there are still unresolved issues over boundaries particularly the western part towards Abra. Elders claim that there should be clear and proper delineation of the boundary between Abra and Mountain Province. At this point in time, the people are resolved to state that their claim over their old hunting grounds, which from time immemorial they own as indicated in the new barangay map.
The evidence and strength of their claim are not only the stonewalled hole traps which are still existing and functional; but also the presence of still living elders both from Belwang and Tubo, Abra whom they can bear legal testimonies as they are knowledgeable of the areas especially on its early occupancy and habitation.
These hole traps of varying sizes and shapes; some in quadrilateral form about 4x 5x 6 meters and those cylindrical shapes with 3x 5 meters in diameters these abound in the hunting ground areas overlooking the Province of Abra. Obviously, these traps were built during the Pre-Spanish era when there were no guns and the only method of catching games was trapping by holes.
Topography and Soil Classification
Belwang is generally rugged and mountainous with steep and deep ravine slopes characterize. Most of the total land area of the barangay is covered by unclassified mountain soil. The mountains were carved which best suited for wet rice farming. On the swidden farms, most of the soil are classified as sandy loam which are very favorable in the growing of varied legumes especially the red Kentucky Wonder, and varied vegetables the famous of which is tabungaw which when matured, seed- pakwan are sold in the local market.
Land Use and Natural Resources
Most of the land area of the barangay on the western portion is a vast and dense forest. This forestland and pasture lands are very much conducive for breeding up of animals. Besides, wild animal, cows, and carabao abound in the circumferential grassland areas of this western portion. This is called the hunting ground of the barangay people. These forests serve as watershed which supplies the barangay with abundant potable water supply. Its streams and waterfalls supply the irrigation water needed by the neighboring tribes such as Bekigan, Demang and Poblacion rice fields on the eastern portion. The settlement area is situated at the topmost mountain which have been terraced and leveled by the early inhabitants. At present, settlement on the flat areas is compacted not minding the overlapping of roofs of houses. Granaries were built below the residential areas. It is expected that expansion of residential house might be built along the terraced farms climbing up the mountain slopes towards the western portion.
Agriculture and Agricultural Products
Iverwang are naturally rice farmer. The cultivated terraces are the main source of livelihood of the people in monocropping of planting traditional varieties of rice due to the cold climate. The mainvarieties of rice produced is the tokpar and because of its good quality when cooked. The secondary varieties raised are the glutinous type called waray, pokor and the vutilao which are for market urposes due to its market demand and higher prices. These are sold in Bontoc and Baguio City. Sometimes, agents from different places like Kalinga and western part come to the place and barter their goods with their glutinous rice and may even directly buy it with the same market price. Other volumes of glutinous rice are preserved as rice wine called tapey and for other purposes used during social gatherings and for home consumption. Barangay Belwang is also Famous for its red Kentucky Wonder Beans mostly demanded in the local and city market; pakwan and Kigaw (wild deer) which are taken from their swidden farms and dense forest. In some dry farms, they grow camote, squash and other
varieties of legumes or beans. They also produce sugar cane which they locally process into wine popularly known as fayas. Very few raise fruits so most of their supplies come from other barangay or are bought from Bontoc and Tabuk. In livestock production, in spite of the wide and thick forest as pasture land of the place, population of carabao and cows decreased at this time due to the cultural mass wedding called chuno.
Infrastructures and Utilities
Concrete pathways, waiting shades, foot bridges, river control, irrigation, and toilet and drainage canal were the main infrastructures visible in the community. One major government project form the barangay is the reedier road passing through Maligcong and Mainit but was not continued due to the strong objection of the barangay officials with their alleged formidable reasons as their natural resources like wood, lumber and even animals might be drained off by the people outside their community. Barangay Belwang has no telephone system. This barangay maximizes the “run-walk system” for delivery of communications. Access to information is very difficult most especially in times of emergency. In 2001 electricity reached the tribe and this year 2006 SMART cell site was installed after negotiation with the people of Sadanga and disputes were settled between the elders and the Mayor regarding the allocation of the rent from SMART Company.
Demographic Profile
In 2005, Belwang had a total population of 1,534 people with 239 households and 247 families. The gradual increase in population, during the 1980’s led to the division of the barangay into four puroks for the following reasons:
1. to have an easier way of monitoring residents with ailment;
2. to have a better way of making records especially in health services;
3. in politics, it is easier to identify those who vote, register and who do not participate in some activities at all; and
4. to facilitate organization of women, men, elders and youth in doing some church and other community activities.
Education
Belwang Elementary School is concurrently catering to the elementary education of the children of Belwang. This includes its adjacent barangay Bekigan that has only primary grades.
It became a complete elementary school in 1986 when it opened grades 1 to VI. In June 2003, high school opened and students share classrooms with the elementary pupils. The official classrooms for high school are in Maba-ew and its construction is ongoing. It is located at the top (highest level) of barangay. The first high school students are now in their third year.
Traditional Politics
The local folks have their own laws which are inscribed in the traditional way of life. Most of the time, they remain peaceful when the peace pact with other villages are intact. Despite such, they still interact with one another as groups going to other villages of their peace pact for social gatherings that usually last from 3-5 days. They term this as warming up their social relationships. Some political leaders are also peace pact holders, though some peace pact holders are not political leaders due to lack of education. Peace pact has its social origin. No one can just forge peace pact as one likes it. It usually starts from troubles like murder, accident, conflicts and others. Peace pact holding is through inheritance from grandfather to son and or daughter who are elders that is the first born male or female regardless of sequential order of birth. This peace pact peden is a customary peacemaking force mostly found in the tribes of Kalinga as well as in highlands of Abra. This was initiated in the place during the American period. During this time Kayyasa and Apao from this tribe of Belwang were the first to go with the American officials to the people of Tinglayan Kalinga. These two people made peace pact with Tinglayan in the presence of the American personnel. When Kayyasa and Apao died they transferred the privilege of holding the peace pact to their grand children up to the present time. This peace pact making was followed up by Meguingan, Fagkhas, Lumbaya, Libalib, Anamot and Focasan. They extended what Kayyasa and Apao started and made peace pact with all other tribes of Kalinga and Abra Province.
Politics in the barangay is not new. Even before the national Government enfolded them they their custom and traditions and there laws that govern them. These native laws were anchored in their native institution known to them as agogowan or ator/ato in Sadanga and central Bontoc and Dap-ay in Western Bontoc. Political leaders who are being elected are mostly come from a good social status in the community the Kadangyan. Local leaders in this barangay were mostly chosen because of their renowned wisdom. Their political status had shown political leadership when they are elevated from barangay official to municipal official as mayor and others.
Other details about Iverwang including photos will be uploaded soon..
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| Posted: May.18.2007 @ 10:55 am |
The Hidden Victim in All of Us Ever been in the presence of a person who likes to play "victim"? It's painful, right? Some so-called victims are easy to spot. "Woe is me" is their mantra as they mope around, whining about what life has done to them, and being devoted to their sad state. But, there is a whole other category of people who act in ways that are far more subtle and difficult to recognize, says life coach Lauren Zander, of The Handel Group Private Coaching ( www.handelgrouppc. com). The problem is that the undercurrent of complaint and misery that is generated by these "undercover" victims creates stress and exhaustion not only for them but for those who are around them, too. Taking on a false sense of victimhood has become pervasive, adds Lauren, which is destructive to society. Some people play that role daily. But, mentally, almost all of us fall into the trap of feeling like a victim at least now and then. How to overcome victimhood and be powerful instead? I discussed this with Lauren... WHAT IS VICTIMHOOD? At the root of victimhood is an internal power struggle in which the victim sees what he/she perceives as problems in the world around him (this includes his personal world of family and work or even the global environment) yet believes he is helpless to change things. The sure sign of being a victim is complaining. Victims do it a lot and their constant chatter is about what's wrong with other people. "The innocent is telling his story," Lauren says. "Everyone else is the problem -- the reason it isn't working -- the 'only ifs' are always focused on others and victims believe they are just reporting the crimes of their boss, mother, husband, kids, the school system and the world and how these people and institutions have all wrongly impacted them." This focus on other people makes it hard for victims to look at their own behavior to see it for what it is -- their complaints. Consequently, they adamantly deny they are acting as a victim. On the flip side, victimhood also provides a subtle reward to the complainer. As victims observe others' failings and how hurtful they are, they set themselves up as martyrs secure in the knowledge that, although they are the wounded party, they are right -- and the feeling of being right is very powerful. "Victims feel heroic for putting up with the bad behavior of people around them and being the good guy in the story," says Lauren. Acting as a victim also places people outside the situation -- peering in and observing the "poor behavior" of others. By declaring themselves to be outside observers, victims assign power to others. Victims may sigh that they are helpless to change a situation -- be it a dominating spouse, a difficult job, a community they dislike, etc. -- but in truth this belief allows them to squirm out of action to change the situation. They blame their spouse or boss or whoever is in the wrong... and then become a martyr, perceiving that they can't change the situation. This, in turn, spares victims the pain of giving up the goodies, be it, for example, the comfort of marriage (even if it's painful), the security of a pay check (even if they hate the job) or the relief of not moving. The sad reality is that victims are so busy shining their haloes and feeling superior to the "wrong-doers" that few victims are really interested in changing their behavior. But victimhood, whether occasional or chronic, is a passive way of coping. Victims waste energy on complaining instead of putting the energy into action where it can serve a useful purpose. Complaining is an attempt to be dominating because the victims do not help or do anything to change the situation, they simply watch and comment about it, says Lauren. But ultimately this is fruitless because human happiness is connected to productivity and to making a difference. "To have the ability to fix things that aren't working for us, to solve our own problems, this is what feels good," she says. Fortunately, there is a path that leads out of victimhood. GETTING PAST VICTIMHOOD Step One: Listen to your complaints. Victims' sighs and complaints cover up a basic feeling -- fear. This is what often lies under the behavior. Complaints often center on something or someone that truly does make victims unhappy, but they are too frightened to take action, even by just speaking up. Instead, they hide behind their whining words. And so the first step away from being a victim is to listen carefully to the content of your complaints and look for recurring themes and what you avoid saying or doing. Step Two: Locate the fear behind the complaints. The easy rationale for complaining is that it is merely reporting, just observing how it is. But life is not the weather and chronic complaints have an emotional basis. That is where you will discover the fear. Let's say you are upset about the "ridiculous" rules your company has for its employees or perhaps the way your spouse is behaving, and you regularly regale your friends about how put upon you are because of them. The logical action is to quit talking about it and speak up and/or move on. But "action always involves risk because there is no way to predict its consequences, " says Lauren, and giving up a job or a marriage is scary territory with lots of risk. However, if you go to the heart of the matter and identify your fear, you empower yourself to make a choice. You know how you feel and what you fear, and now you are in a position to decide what you want to do with this. Will you take the risk of discussing your feelings with your boss or spouse or even deciding to walk away? Will the pain of change be greater or less than the pain of staying in the situation? While action in the form of communication and/or physical change is the most productive path, you may choose to stay in the current situation, realizing that the pain of change would be too great. By choosing not to change you are acting on real feelings, which makes you no longer a victim in the situation. "Making a decision from a place of honesty -- whatever the decision -- is a big step forward because it negates the victims' belief that they have no choice in the matter," says Lauren. "They see that they have the power to choose to either stay in a situation or leave it." What about more global issues beyond your personal life such as governmental decisions, the education system or the potential for a bird flu pandemic? Here, too, you have several powerful options. You can choose to get involved in the macro issues by working for or volunteering for an organization that relates to the issue at hand. Or, you can start a program of your own that addresses the issue (that's how programs like Mothers Against Drunk Driving and the Special Olympics were started). Or, you can choose to do nothing and allow the "powers that be" to handle the situation. As long as you consciously choose to accept the status quo, then you are shedding the role of victim. But, this also means that you shed the role of complaining when you hear or watch the actions being taken. Step Three: Give up complaining. This is probably one of the most incessant traits of victimhood. This occurs not only on an individual basis, but has become pervasive in the media and among politicians, which makes those who watch the news "victims of their victimhood." Refusing to complain is a major shift but extremely freeing because it shuts the valve to the emotional release found in victimhood. Instead of voicing a complaint, look inward to determine why this bothers you -- and what you can do about it. "The actions called for are generally simple and obvious," says Lauren, "but starting anything is a brave act." Instead of whining that you have no friends, make a plan about how to meet new people. Rather than moan that your job is taking you nowhere, decide what you want to do and start the process of educating yourself for it. The first step you take toward a more productive, victim-free life will lead to the next step... and the next... until one day sooner than you may think, you are there. |
| Posted: Dec.10.2006 @ 2:37 pm | Lasted edited: Dec.10.2006 @ 4:17 am |
..when I was asked to write about my peak moments at this period of my life I wrote about being caught in the trap of a hunter out from the wilderness..I allowed myself even went near his bait. It was the worst adventure I dared but then I found myself elated and feeling fortunate having discovered my master... With him I imagine myself holding a jar which has long been emptied became full and usefull. Each day that passed was a spectrum of color and meaning. Indeed a peak moment 'till I woke up one morning and realized that the jar which i was holding was empty. It developed as cycle leaving cracks on my fragile jar until the thrill of the journey became a fleeting moment...everything seem hopeless making me wonder where I went wrong. It is painful to see my jar empty again, I still wonder what amount of maturity can replenish and revert the cycle back before the last spark fade away...
I cannot think straight..my mind is all over and got mixed up with lots of unrelated issues which eventually worsen the situation. It is very painful process at the same time inevitable... to a long distance relationship like this...there is no way of clearig out things and rekindling the spark to flame but to patiently listen with all possibilities that is available. Afterall the sacrifice is worth it. I don't want to feel that I am doing this because I just wanted to let the relationship get by but more to satisfy the voice within. It is so strong a voice which i owe it to my life forever. I am certain that there is hope between us..the kind of hope that is anchored in the mystery of Life and Love...
Oftentimes when the spark seem to fade we both come to ask the same question.."why are we like this (cat and mouse)?" we tried to bid goodbye for countless times and we were bonded the more. Despite all the foul move that we made to advance from each other our expectations failed instead we are still here together constantly longing each other's message and conversation for the day..we cannot pass the day without hearing from one another without missing the arguments as appetizers.wow! what kind of world is this?
take care always my Beloved..
Kudos for your Stripe on your belt! Hope you will find the bad guy....please remember your safety first.
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| Posted: Oct.12.2006 @ 9:11 am | Lasted edited: Dec.10.2006 @ 1:04 am |
6:17 nagising ako bigla dahil sa aking tawag sabay ng alarm.galing ng teknolohiya talaga 17 minuto na itong tumutunog para gisingin ako ng umaga tumunog ang aking alarm pero wala akong naririnig o nararamdaman man lang ang vibrations nito ngunit nung tumunog ulit eto dahil sa tawag 3 segundo pa lang gising agad ako. Ginigising ako ng mahal kong daddy. Hello pa lang niya....aaaahhhhhh! gusto kong bumalik sa aking pagkahimbing at managinip na kausap siya habang akap-akap ng mahigpit na mahigpit at pinapaalalahanan na huwag mahuli sa apagpagsok at baka matsugi ang byuti ko..at sasagot ako ng keRek!!! Loooove you dad! mwaah! Miss na miss na miss ko na ang daddy ko. Bawat araw, oras at minuto ng buhay ko ay nagkakaroon ng mas matingkad na kulay at mas malalim na saysay dahil sa kanya. Mahal na mahal ko siya at sa pamamagitan ng tunay at totoong komunikasyon at Panalangin ang lahat ng eto mga pangarap namin ay magkakaroon ng katuparan. Salamat dad sa araw-araw na suporta at paggising mo sa akin sa araw-araw kaya hindi ako na-tsugi!! haha..Love you dad.
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