Sharp, cuts deep
Slashes without cue
Hurts, cursed fate
Always a company
Broken, bruised
Lost, call for help
No voice comes out
Alone, is the truth
It visits so often
Avoidance is futile
Dreams and Hopes
It drains dry
Mind in a pendulum
Trapped inside
No one hears
No one looks
Death is near
Tempting piece of glass
Such beautiful wrists
A nice bracelet of pain
Veins out in the open
Is this the path
Chosen? Forced?
Tried to battle
At least a shot
In the end, nothingness
Fingers tapped on keys
Letters and words form
Thoughts racing
Soul is out at the door
Shards of glass
Pretty, glistening
So tempting, a savior?
A friend? A foe?
Think about it
Author ends it
.......with tears followed by a period.  

Haibane, angels
Everyday, I hear them
Always misunderstood
Confusion with words
I "read" their faces

Haibane, angels
Everyday, I hold them
Many swoop into my arms
Some flutter away
I will take time, wait

Haibane, angels
Everyday, I push them
To get up after each fall
Levitate at least an inch
I will go the extra mile

Haibane, angels
Everyday, I stand firm
Broken wings, broken spirits
Birds in a cage, too wild
I will have courage to tame

Haibane, angels
Everyday, I see people
Perfect in every form
Speaks with false pride
They look with indifference

Haibane, angels
Everyday, humans taunt
Mock, even care
But with hypocrisy
Just sheer self- indulgence

Haibane, angels
Everyday, for eight years
I have been with them
With every trial, success
I try to mend their broken wings

Haibane, angels
Everyday, I teach them
Little by little
As the wind blows
Wherever it may carry them

Haibane, angels
Everyday, I try with conviction
That within my borrowed  time
I can and I will try
To make them fly as high

.........as Haibanes should............

 The Big Bad Bitch    

• Today I had a nasty fight
• Screamed with anger
• Because of my tongue
• Which I did not bite  

• My friend felt I was inappropriate
• That I was irrational and crazy
• To seek revenge that was too late
• But it still makes sense to me    

• See, that person made a fool out of me
• Stared from head to toe
• I smiled with utter glee
• But all I got was nasty pee    

• I must admit I hold things in
• Through all the years, I kept my piece
• I have been so hurt indeed
• Now I see these people as fleas 

• Why should I apologize
• Or feel guilt, remorse
• They poked me in the eye
• Now it’s up to me to decide      

• Whether to be a bitch too
•  Or be an idiotic doormat
• Which I used to do
• To think of it, I’m not that fat    

• I come from a foreign land
• A very poor hungry place
• They slap shit on my hand
• Maybe I have an alien race    

• Ironic it seems. I told him
• That I will have the last laugh
• For all the people who have spit on me
• That I will not forget and be tough    

• I discovered , it feels good
• To have thrown the same
• Pain like a pail of rotten food
• And add bitch to my name    

• I was never nasty, always nice
• Life was not so good to me
• Loves ones told me lies
• I hated them, they didn’t see    

•  The big bad bitch is now a reality
• It is a part of me, Have I grown
• Or was I just so pissed finally    

• I won’t take crap no more
• Anger is part of human nature
• Just as compassion and love
• But a monster I will not nurture    

• But if bad things happen again
• Other wolves will wake and strike
• The big bad bitch will count to ten
• And out of the woods, comes the nasty bite

........ Invincible...........

In the wreckage of life
You mysteriously found me
Broke through walls
Never surrendered the crusade

A source of enthusiasm
An ally and a foe
In love and life
But every moment counts
For within your breath
I exist

The past took place
Present runs constantly
Future lies with uncertainty
With affirmation
I die in the soul you gave me

And the phoenix will still emerge
With Feathers of strength
And a healed heart
No more fear, no more hurt

Years from now
I may still hold your hand
Or reminisce that period
With your acceptance

Time will claim me
and in my death bed
A a smile on my face
will be etched

And the last sound
I will utter
Will be your name

.... and I have lived fully..........

If life will be a liquor
I would choose Tequila
With its sweet intoxicating effect
Without any hint of bitterness in the morning
Fresh as new, relaxed to face the day


Tequila has been a part of me
Such as I am a part of her
With all the highs and lows
She is a constant presence
Ever reliable as my ally

There was one time
That Tequila saved me
After a devastating end
of a worthless relationship
She was my console

No one believed I would still live
Except her and my round table
My round table of Tequila Buddies
In a similar state as I was
The shots go faster as the night stretches

There are so many methods
On how to drink Tequila
Lick the salt, shot
Then bite into the lemon
Whatever method is perfectly alright

I choose to look at the shot glass
A measuring glass for peanuts
Swirling it first, then turning it three times
Why? Three turns that means something
Pain. Fight. Resurrect

Then I dunk the shot of Tequila
Lick the salt then bite the damn lemon
And just smile back
As she flows in my bloodstream
Altering my mind, leading me to silence

After so many shots
I feel fine, perfectly fine
Like I can do anything
Admit my stupidities
And laugh, learn from them


The last rendezvous
I had with Tequila
Was the most memorable
It was set up by my Buddies
Of the Round Table

They said it was to bury me
I mean the very painful event
That almost killed me
To commemorate it
It must die with the last drop of Tequila

Another bottle was open
This time to celebrate
My new life, a new beginning
Another degree with honors
And a voyage to New England

As I take every shot with my buddies
I look at Tequila
"You have been so good to me"
I felt like crying, I felt vulnerable
"But I trust you, you will still be with me"

The last round was enacted
My buddies all look wasted
But there I was still smiling
Giggling like a kid
Until I stood up

Whoa! The world is spinning
Where the heck are my keys
My purse, my cellphone
Oh okay, I still got two ears
Last thing I recall, I was hauled into a car

Next morning, I awakened
fresh again, no stinky smell
Alright, I scouted the room
What the __? I am in my friend's floor
...... and her still wasted on the bed.

Got my cell, dialed a number
"Hi, how the ____ck did I get here"
"Duh? You and the gals were so fast,
We didn't even have second rounds"
"Okey, how come I don't remember anything?"
"What do you expect, you gluttons,
you finished the seven bottles of Tequila!"
Pressed end call, smiled and stood up

That was the last time I was with Tequila
At times, I miss her so much
However without my round table of buddies
It is not an exhilarating meeting
I will wait until all the knights are here

My life is like Tequila
Sweet yet mystifying
Gentle but cuts deeply
Flows like the air, drops as flames
And pours like endless hope

Thirteen pieces of clay

Lined up against the wall

Most are broken, others lost

Some doubting, few had hope

I stood in front of them

Loss for words

Unsure, less confident

Sad for all their miseries

I took each piece of clay

I tried to get a grip on each one

But resistance creeps in

I am not yet worthy

And then I thought

What if I were a piece of Clay

How would I like to be molded?

Crude, with toughness

Or with Faith and Empathy

I closed my books

And started my own clay school

A little room beside the exit sign

Where no one cares to look inside

I attempted to mold the most scarred piece of clay

With his pain and fury in his young existence

My hands bled, my heart ached

But I did not let go, not this time

Little by little I molded that clay

At times, it would improved its form

And most times, it just crumbled

But I always pick up the pieces

The twelve pieces of clay watched

As I showed my determination

Not to give up on them

Even if all the others have done so

See, these pieces of clay are different

They do not have what we possess

A voice, a pair of feet, two perfect hands

A brain that can do things

For six hundred days

We worked hard

To mold each other

Until almost all of us fit together

My right hand was tough

 No excuse just because they are different

My left hand was the most important

It lifts up spirits when they crumble again

I talked to them like they have voices

I run with with them like they have feet

Each time a piece of clay bends in the wrong way

The others mold him back to the team

Last week,  someone took a photo

Of what I worked hard for

Thirteen Pieces of  Clay smiling

With PRIDE and CONFIDENCE

I held each of them so tight

Then I bid farewell

Sure that they will succeed

And live life to the fullest

Thirteen pieces of Clay

Taught, Accepted, Loved

Molded to be Independent

To choose, to Believe that they can

I locked the clay room

There will be more pieces

I smiled and wiped my tears

Thirteen pieces of clay,

Molded with Pieces of my Heart

In a place called Winds

A circle exists with a chair in the middle

Seven individuals seeking direction

Lost since the time they were born

Desperate and scared

To face their deepest fears

An old lady who fears responsibility

For her she is already dead

A teacher who wears hundreds of masks

To hide the pain, ending it with a knife

A Piano Man so talented

Like his fingers are feathers on the keys

Forgotten by his own family he cared for

For he lost all his wealth and fame

A young boy confused

He has everything but still an empty shell

Earthly things are at his beckoning

But he claims to be the poorest soul

A mother of three

Gave up her dreams  for them

Alone, she refuses to eat

The perfect role was taken from her

A composer who makes music in a flash

Slits his wrists because he was in so much rage

To the very core of his bones

He loathed his childhood, never wanted to be born

A genius craves acceptance

Uses her body to get it

Sex is her refuge and her pitfall

After the thrill she was just  used and forgotten

That chair is dreadful

Each one had to sit in it

Talk to PAIN, SUFFERING, HATRED,

ISOLATION, REJECTION, FAILURE.

The chair gives them the right to say

"I hate you" to parents who betrayed their trust

"Go to hell!" to a husband who trashed his own wife

"You are more stupid than me" to a father who beat his son everyday

"I wish you'd die" to a mother who tricked her own daughter to be raped by her grandfather

"I am so fucking empty!" to a Father who was never there

"Remember me please." to a sister who disowned her own brother after he paid for her education

"Fuck you bitch!" to a mother who called her own daughter a whore for having her period

For thirty days, that chair was despised, feared

Yet it released the fury, anger, resentement

And paved the way to LET GO

Flashed the sign "MOVE ON!"

The seven people described to the Chair

Their own personal hell, wounds still fresh

And the Chair acknowledged them

Probed until all is spilled

Until they were just empty vessels

For rebirth and redemption

The seven people bid farewell to the Chair

To each other, no words needed

"I understand what you went through,

And we will try to live life without

PAIN, SUFFERING, HATRED,

ISOLATION, REJECTION, FAILURE"

....... The door closes and the Winds carried the seven people with their scars healing and with faith that life is still good ...........

I started walking down the block

My mind starts to race

Too many thoughts, too many plans

I cannot wait, I am not patient

I have to accomplish everything

I unlocked my door

My eyes hovered like an eagle

What needs to be done

Oh I need to clean the kitchen

But I like to cook lunch first

I am again in a dilemma

This always happens

Even when I talk

My mind outruns me

So many thoughts, the shortest time

I multi- tasked again

Juggling three to four tasks

Leaving me panting

But it gives me that thrill

The ecstacy of control

Growing up in a chaotic home

There is no control, no order

Just pain and uncertainty

I built my own world

I wanted it to be perfect

Yet I am human with flaws

So many times I failed

Many plans never follow through

I tried it with affairs of the heart

But I always lost the bet

I looked at the shiny floor of my apartment

My reflection sparkles like glass

Things are in place, neatly in order

Every detail carefully examined

But I feel so damn exhausted

For twenty years, I battled with having control

Over my parents, my studies, my job

I have accomplished much

But control takes away more than what I got

I needed to be free

Months ago, I let go

I wanted my brain be controlled

before I lose it all, to slow down

I realized life is not about

What I can or cannot do

I slowed down

For I have grown old

I felt I was in three lifetimes already

But never savored what was essential

I desired to be reborn

I looked again at the floors

Spic and span, feels good

The urges in my head race still

I turned to clean the windows

I stopped and clasped my hands together tight

Stop it! You cannot do everything at once

I hate this but I need to accept it

I reached for the bottle

Popped a pill

Calmness sets in

I am now in control

of not being controlled by my urges

I try to break down steps

I dropped the mop

Turned on the player

Sat in a corner, closed my eyes

And I lost myself to the music

A man in a grey vest

Sits across the woman

"I am Adam, your counselor

I am here to assist you"

The Woman looks at the ceiling

No clue why and how she got here

Looks at Adam

tried to smile

Adam scribbles on his notepad

"What is your name?

How old are you?

Why are you here?"

The woman stiffens in the chair

"Because I tried to kill myself

Do not ask me anymore

 I am you and you are Me"

Adam peers into the woman's eyes

"I can break through this nutcase

She is just one of the many I handled

This is going to be so easy"

The woman crossed her legs

"I do not need your help

I do not like people asking me why

I thought and I decided to die"

A frown forms on Adam's face

"I am here for you

I am sure you want to live

That is why you came here"

Woman holds up her hand in the sunlight

"It is not my choice, I was forced to be here

Everybody wants me to Live

They all seem to know me

But they have no single fucking clue"

Adam raised his finger at the woman

"Profanity is discouraged here

I know we can talk in a civilized way

I am not your enemy. I am an ally

I am just here to help"

The woman looks out the window

"It is starting to snow

When will I be out of here?

Do not attempt to fix me

You may be the one who will get fixed"

Adam twirls his pen and breathes deeply

"Look, I need to know your reasons

Why you wanted to die

If you are ready, then just call for me

The woman looks at Adam

"You think you are God

Asking these questions is irrelevant

I know what you are trying to do?"

Adam mumbles at such sheer arrogance

"And why do you think I am God?

My questions will help you see clearly

I know you still want to get better"

The woman slouched on the chair

" You think you are God

You ask psychological questions

Because you think they can give answers

Why people are sad, obsessive, aggressive

You fucking see patients as mere lab rats

That you can fix and mold

Into pretty butterflies

But in reality

We are still rotten maggots

You play it cool

But I see your Shield

I see it vividly

You do this to protect yourself

You are a maggot as well

Far worse than me

You conceal it by giving therapy and counseling

Bullshit! I don't give a damn"

Adam's face turns red

"As I already said, I am not your enemy

I just want information from you

It will help in your recovery"

The woman wags her finger at him

"Recovery? Who fucking cares about recovering?

Tell me Adam, have you recovered?

Have you totally controlled your rage?"

Adam shifts uncomfortably

"I am not the one who needs help right now

Please be cooperative

If you answer my questions, this will all be over"

Woman's eyes glared

"Oh Adam. my poor Adam

You have not changed

You still hate everything in this world

You just act in pretense

Now tell me, how was your childhood

I bet it was taken away from you

Your father fucked you in the ass

And your uncle held you

Your mother laughs as she puffs her cigar

This went on and on and on

Every single night

You were a piece of meat

Until you ran away

Changed your life by becoming a counselor

To help sad people

Didn't you wish they'd die?

I bet you did, you wanted to kill them

All of them

Adam sobbed at the truth

"How did you know?

I cannot believe it

Yes I am still angry, I want to kill them, all of them!"

The woman reaches over to Adam

"How did I know?

I was a psychologist, .a brilliant one

I was trained to master seeing through minds

Analyze behavior and conclude prognosis

Until I got tired of listening to people's shit

For I was shit as well"

Adam touches the woman' hand

"Please do not tell anyone

I need help, I am lost

I do not want to die, I do not want to kill"

The woman held Adam's  hand as they walked to the window

"Do you see the snow?

I actually love it, it covers everything

It numbs the pain

Adam, now that I broke through your wall

I can trust you

I help you, you help me

Easy, equal footing

Now let me start with the day

My brother inserted a bottle inside my pussy"

Adam looked at the woman and smiled as he led her back to the chair...